Living with the lies

Today I was going though some old email accounts and come across some emails from a very old blog I used to write. This was full of posts when I was at my worse in terms of my mental health and also with anorexia and listed things such as poor care, sections I was on, the move between camhs to adult services and also poems (used to be quite a poet till I gave up).

So while having a good read down memory line I saw this under a post called ‘living with the lies’

I don’t know why I do it, but I do. I have this unhealthy obsession with pretending to people that my life is trundling along with absolutely no problems and everything is fantastic when in actual fact it’s falling apart very rapidly and is being held in place by the tiniest of tiniest of threads which can come undone at any time because of the smallest thing, and today I think its happened

It got me thinking, during that time I was very ill and not at that point of asking for help so I pretended everything was okey, I still do have that obsession at times where I do say I have no problems, everything is fantastic when everything is really going wrong but over time I have improved on that, instead of all the time, I do now ask for help if I need it.

BUT

All it takes is that one trigger, that one thread to come undone and everything comes apart.

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